Fox News Alert – Jesus and Santa are white

I mean, Jesus was a white man too. He was a historical figure, that’s a verifiable fact, as is Santa … I just want the kids watching to know that.

It is important for Megyn Kelly to make the world understand that Jesus was white. We are not really sure why. We are sure of one thing. In that time and in that location, he would have been the Alpha-Honkey of Rabbis.

You see, most everyone else in the Middle East at the time,  was probably dark-skinned.  They still are, if you haven’t looked. They were probably much shorter, about 5 feet tall. Everyone was. Jesus’ hair may have been curly, or even kinky. No one disliked black folks back then, so inter-breeding was not a big deal. Skin color wasn’t either, except for the fact that more melanin in the skin meant less chance of developing skin cancer. The skin lightened over thousands of years of living in colder, northern climates. True, that is just a theory. White men riding dinosaurs is a theory too. Glad Megyn didn’t bring it up.

A really big deal would have been a blonde, blue-eyed Surfer-Jesus, in a land of short, brown Jews. You know,  over six feet, golden locks, and an aryan facial structure? You’ve seen the picture. Most movies of this period were teeming with Charlton Heston’s, built like athletes, all gleaming with body oil. It does lead one to conclude that the early Jews and Christians were all hollywood hunks. They were not.

For all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white.

So it is also with Santa. Santa is white. Okay? Does anyone have a problem with the existence of a white Santa? Virginia? You see him in the Macy’s Parade, right? So get over it already. As Megyn said, “Santa is what he is.” You got a problem with that?

I do have a problem.  I’m uncomfortable with Surfer Jesus standing in a crowd of dark skinned short Jewish people preaching the Gospel.  I’m uncomfortable with the idea of an imaginary icon of consumerism having a skin color. I’m uncomfortable with Megyn Kelly trying to convince her pin-headed viewers that this it is what it is. It ain’t. She is an idiot.