Mormons Declare War on Masturbation

Face it, you touch your self too much!

Woody Allen called it sex with someone he loved.  The Bible mentions it. Cave drawings show it. It is mentioned in every civilization in recorded history. Leave it to the Mormons to ruin a good thing. Masturbation is a gateway act. You start by abusing yourself, and pretty soon you are reading books on secular humanism.

Television Sex Stores

Gee, girls do it too? And I thought all they did was fill their hope chest with needle-point. There are at least two programs on television that sell sex toys, and one channel on Sirius that is devoted to sex talk.  Some of the toys are quite striking. And a bit humbling, if you know what I mean.

A Guide to Self Control

Mark E. Petersen of the Council of the 12 Apostles has taken on masturbation, and offers helpful hints to keep you from yourself.

  • Avoid being alone as much as possible
  • Bath quickly
  • Avoid looking at yourself naked
  • If you get horny, leave your bed and go get a snack
  • Avoid porn
  • Read good books
  • Hang out with nice people

So, give it a rest.  Try whittling.

 See the movie     Get Instructions here


Mormons Declare War on Masturbation.