In the most astonishing chain of events to rock the Republican Party since the fall of Richard Nixon, Donald Trump has won the nomination of his party for president of the United States. The remaining primaries seem to be a formality. Trump descended the stairs of Trump Tower in New York and held a press conference last night that can only be described as magnanimous. His bearing was almost regal as he thanked his family and supporters. In the midst of which, he praised his opponents in the primary race, and called for party unity.
All is forgiven
The Donald loves you. He may have called your father an assasin this morning, but tonight you are his best friend forever. All is forgiven, now that you have quit the race. Trump gushed praise for Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, and Ben Carson, but did not mention John Kasich, who remains in the race. He then proceeded to deliver the same speech he has delivered to primary voters across the nation. These excerpts from his New Hampshire victory speech:
Now, very — oh, I love this. Look at you. Look at you. I love these signs. They’re the most imaginative signs.
We are going to take care of our vets. Where is Al? Where is Al? We love Al. All right, Al? Get up here if you can. We’re going to take care of our vets. Our vets are treated horribly. They’re our greatest people. Our vets are going to be taken care of. And you remember that, everybody.
The Coal Miners
All the coal miners will go back to work. All the manufacturing jobs will come back the the US.
We are going to teach the Chinese a lesson.
We are going to start winning again. And we’re going to win so much, you are going to be so happy. We are going to make America so great again. Maybe greater than ever before.
We’re going to have strong, incredible borders. And people are going to come into our country. But they’re going to come into our country legally. They’re going to come in legally.
Bring back our jobs
So we’re going to take care of the economy. We’re going to take care of jobs. We’re going to take care of all of the things that I said, our border, everything, health care. It’s going to be so great.
Our allies are stealing from us. It’s time they paid their own way.
I love Reince!
Reince Priebus is wonderful.
I love women!
And women love me. They are all going to vote for me.
Make America great again!
We’re going to — do we love our country?
The platform of the GOP must now be written in the words of Donald Trump, a Santa Claus that will bring you untold gifts if you elect him. Never in the seamy history of politics has one man promised so much with absolutely no idea of how to deliver on those promises, and never have the voters been so taken in by those promises. Historians will study this moment for centuries to come.